Everybody Was Rape Denying, Those Dicks Were Fast As Lightning
On paper, this week should’ve been a great week.
Against incredible odds, Bill Cosby finally got his ass sent to prison on Tuesday, and he’s more than likely going to die there, or at minimum, spend his final days as a registered sex offender. All in all, that’s some pretty amazing stuff that nobody thought would happen in a thousand years, even with Cosby staring down the barrel of 60 rape accusations. Shit, the one case that miraculously did make it into a court room ended in a mistrial the first time around, and afterwards, Cosby started popping up at Philly jazz clubs like nothing ever happened. Even worse, people loved it!
Which brings us to the overflowing toilet masquerading as our government where any chance of finding comfort in Cosby’s sentence was smashed against the gross double hard-ons of pure, concentrated white male privilege and forced birth evangelicalism. What should have been a banner week for sexual assault victims is now a swirling tempest of shit that has signaled to every woman in America that the Republican Party is absolutely fine with them getting raped. Especially if it’s done by one of its members who will overturn Roe v. Wade. Who cares about rape when you can force babies to be borned and then immediately denied healthcare, clean water, or schools where they won’t catch a bullet during recess, amirite?
And I’m actually making this situation sound way better than it is because it’s chock full o’ goddammit. As of late Wednesday night, the Republicans on the Senate Judiciary Committee are still full speed ahead on holding a hearing on Thursday where Brett Kavanaugh’s accuser Dr. Christine Blasey Ford will be questioned by Arizona prosecutor Rachel Mitchell. (Who is a really weird choice because her views on who commits sexual assaults seem to extremely fly in the face of conservative orthodoxy. Also, Twitter is wrong. She’s not a “Sheriff Arpaio henchman,” but Republicans picked her, so who the fuck knows?) More importantly, this little production is happening in lieu of an FBI investigation, which Dr. Ford and the other women accusing Kavanaugh of sexual assault have requested. Usually, when someone’s lying they don’t ask the FBI to look into it. A sign that they are lying would be something like, I dunno, telling an alleged eyewitness/cohort to hide out in Delaware until this all blows over. Just as a random example.
What’s even more fucked up is that Republicans went ahead and scheduled a confirmation vote for Kavanaugh on Friday — the very next day — because they’re not even trying to pretend that they care if Kavanaugh is Carpool Bill Cosby. Granted, there are three GOP senators (Murkowski, Flake, and Collins) acting like they’ll hear Ford’s testimony and then make a decision. But by the time a third Kavanaugh accuser produced a sworn affidavit on Wednesday, at least one of those senators should’ve said, “Alright, hold up, Jesus Christ,” and either pushed for the FBI to get involved or unequivocally announced that they can’t in good conscience vote for Kavanaugh.
None of them did that.
Instead, all signs are pointing to the GOP “plowing” this motherfucker through to appease Donald Trump who could’ve picked any other candidate that would’ve made all kinds of conservative dreams come true. But it’s no secret that Kavanaugh will rule in Trump’s favor should the 2016 election ratfucking get hauled in front of the Supreme Court. So now the Republican Party is not only condoning rape and blaming the victims for drinking, but their president went on TV and called rape accusers liars because he has a very, very large brain. And not a weird penis.
So never forget this shit happened, and also keep it in mind the next time some smug fuck looks up from his signed copy of the Chapo book and says “both parties are the same.”
Get off your ass and vote blue in November.
P.S. Because I can’t shut up, I’ll have more to say about all of this — including the types of assholes who brag about “running a train” — after the hearing and still very possible confirmation vote. This was me writing through some shit because I genuinely can’t believe any of this is happening. Did America learn nothing from Bill Cosby? (Don’t answer that because I know the answer is no. No, we did not. In fact, we actually got dumber. It’s a miracle.)
UPDATE 9/27/18: The hearing was way worse than anyone could’ve possibly imagined, and yet they’re still trying to put this fucker on the Supreme Court.
USA!
*drinks forever*
Mike Redmond is the former writer/editor of The Superficial. He lives in Pennsylvania with his wife and kids who think he’s just some weirdo with a computer. They’re not wrong. (Twitter | Email)
